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I'm so fucking mad right now!!!----Sorry if I'm abusing the swearing but you have to read this!!!


I went to post my first chapter of the story I already posted up on my Story that I already showed you, but it was going to be on FanFiction.net

Here is my first review from a user name "Mouse"...

And this is what they said!!! >:(

I copied and pasted what they said.

Here's their shitty-ass opinion on Living Half Lives: Chapter 1


Mouse 2011-06-21 . chapter 1 I was going to call troll on this, but it looks like... you're actually serious?

Okay. You say this is your first fanfic. Please google the terms "mary-sue" and "self-insert fanfiction" and do some reading to see why they are considered bad. Tl;dr version:

Far, FAR too much emphasis is placed on how perfect and amazing your self-insert is supposed to be. Why should the readers care about her salary or the contents of her wardrobe or about what a special perfect model she is? All that (INCREDIBLY unlikely) crap about two lottery wins in the same family - come on. It's ridiculous. Not to mention BORING.

We get it. Your OC is a gorgeous rich model. She's also a complete bitch - giving the finger to a passer-by because she didn't fit your standards of what's pretty? This would make for a two-dimensional, flat villain character. As a protagonist? There is no reason why we should care about this girl whatsoever. She's flat and shallow and all the description goes on her looks and material wealth, not her personality.

I also took a look at your profile, to make sure this wasn't some kind of elaborate troll. I take issue with a lot of the things you've said about your story/character there, too:

"She has constant flash-back memories of bad things happening to her in the past." - This is clichéd and not how trauma works. Please don't use angsty flashbacks as a cheap way to give your character depth.

"She is often made fun of and bullied because of her height and body structure." - She is a MODEL. In a school where almost all of the population is made up of (presumably straight or bisexual) boys. She is not going to get bullied about her looks because people are OMG SO JEALOUS. Her height isn't even something that should get her noticed - look at how tall the Bullworth girls are compared to the boys.

"Mikaela is really mature for her age, so mature that most think she's older than she really is." - Mature people have a personality beyond 'hey I am so goth and so vintage and also I am going to flip off random people I have never met because I am just so edgy, lol'.

BEFORE YOU REACT: Yes, you say your OC is pretty much you. But do not take this review as an attack at you personally!

All that aside: read other peoples' fanfics. What do you find interesting in them? Is it the long, drawn-out descriptions of characters we've already seen in the game? Is it the loving detail about exactly how ~goth and pinup~ their OCs are? No. No it is not.

For a fourteen-year-old, your prose is solid. And there's nothing wrong with writing self-insert fic just for yourself! But when publishing it to ffnet, ask yourself: "Is this the kind of story I would like to read?"


I wasn't able to talk to them back, which made me even more angry...

The point is, MOUSE is referring me as a "Mary Sue", and said that my story was complete shit, although this was just CHAPTER ONE of my GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING STORY!!!

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