Typical, on our honeymoon, Loser knocked me up. But, I didn't find out until three months into our marriage. I figured the morning sickness was all because of who I woke next to each morning, if only it frickin' was. But, I didn't tell him for another month. It was a typical Monday morning. While I spend a hour having a long hot bath, Gary would read the paper, drink some orange juice, then eat what was left of the cereal. There was always only enough for one bowl on a Monday.
I walked into the kitchen, with a towel wrapped around me. I think it showed off the fact that I was starting to show, but he wasn't as observant as he thought he was, because he didn't notice. I picked up the cereal box, and shook it - empty.
"Nice going, Asshole. Couldn't you have saved some for me?" I snapped at him.
"Well, if you spent less time hogging the bath and slapping perfume on yourself, you'd have got down here first," he retorted.
He added the milk to the cereal, so that meant he hadn't started eating it yet. He ate one spoon full, when I decided to drop the bombshell.
"I'm pregnant," I said, suddenly.
"I just lost my appetite," he said, dropping the spoon into the bowl.
"Thanks, Loser," I said, as I reached over and grabbed the bowl.
I started eating the cereal, then he glared at me.
"Low blow, Skank," he snapped, still glaring at me.
"No, I actually am frickin' preggo," I retorted. I stood up and pointed at the small bump.
For once, he was speechless. He couldn't think of a single insult or snarky comment. I smirked, as I ate the rest of the cereal. He left for work, without saying a word to me. We didn't even exchange insults before he left.
I decided to phone Anita in San Andreas, to tell her some good news. I picked up the phone off the end table in the hallway, I sat down on the stairs, resting the phone on my lap. I dialled the number and waited for her to pick up. I tapped my fingers on the steps while I waited.
"Hey, Anita here," she said, sounding really happy.
"Nita, it's Cods. I'm preggo," I said, trying to sound like it was nothing at all.
"Oh my god!! That's awesome!!" Anita said, happily. "I got some news for you to."
"What's that? Got a new bike?" I asked, joking around. I really was kinda happy.
"No! I mean, yes, but that's not it. Norton popped the question!" she said, excitedly.
"Nita!! I knew he would, or I'd have chopped his balls off, if he didn't do it soon," I said, truly happy for her. "But wait till I pop the kid out first, I don't want to be a preggo chief bridesmaid."
"Of course, Cods, what are BFFs for?" she replied.
Of course she didn't have to ask me to be chief bridesmaid, it was already implied. That, and when we were kids, and I was stupidly in love with Derby, we always said we'd be chief bridesmaids, at each other's weddings. I talked to Anita for about twenty minutes, before I headed upstairs to get dressed.
I decided to tell Mum, and Gary's mum Joanne, the good news. I phoned Mum on her mobile, to see where she was. I didn't want to go walking all the way over the frickin' road, in case she wasn't in. It turned out she was next door, that was good to know. They had told me to just walk in, so I did just that. They were sat in the living room, watching a interior design show on TV, and drinking cups of coffee.
"Hey Cody!" Mum said, at the sight of me.
"Hey Mum," I said, as I sat down on one of the arm chairs.
"Have you put on weight?" Mum asked, looking right at me. "Cody.. the biggest mistake you can make, in a marriage, is get fat this early in!" Typical Mum, dictate to how I can be. She's a hypocrite to, because she was fat, before Dad pissed off.
"I ain't fat, I'm pregnant," I said, blurting it out, rather than beat around the bush.
Mum and Joanna cried with joy for about five minutes, then hugged each other saying that this was the best thing to happen since the wedding, then started choosing what the kid should call them. I hope me and Anita don't end up like that. When they finally calmed down, they talked to me again.
"So that's what Gary was trying to tell me," Joanna said, retrieving her phone from her pocket. "He phoned me ten minutes before you came around, barely said three words, then told me he had to get to work. Then he sent me a text message five minutes later, with only two words "Mum" and "Cody"."
"It was so unlike him," Mum said, stating the obvious.
I rolled my eyes, frickin' loser. I swear, sometimes I think I have more balls than him.
In this one, I decided to give Gary's mum a name, because it didn't feel right calling her "Mrs Smith" anymore. I chose Joanne, as her name. I don't expect it to be canon or anything. I figured it would be ok, because no one else writes Gary in as much detail as I do.