Five months later, due to give birth any day now. As you can imagine, Loser was being a total asshole. I was sat on the stairs waiting for him, he was due home four hours ago, and I was going crazy with out something around to insult. I heard the lock click, so I stood up to glare at him as he came though the door. He strolled in, like a total asshole. I folded my arms across my chest.

"And, where the hell have you frickin' been?" I demanded, still glaring.

"Out with some friends," he replied, as he took his coat off and hooked it on the coat rack.

"Bullshit, you don't have any friends," I retorted, reminding him of that.

"So, I went out for one drink, who cares!" he snapped.

"One drink? Let me smell your breath," I said, raising one eyebrow.

Gary scoffed, and walked into the livingroom.

"What are you, my mother?" he snapped, and then sat down on the couch.

"No, but I'm going to be the mother of your frickin' child!" I shouted, following him. "You really are the most selfish asshole, I've ever had the misfortune to...... ow..."

I felt a pain in my stomach, and was sure I just peed myself. Gary turned around and looked at me, with a look of total disbelief.

"Ow?" he repeated at me.

"OW!!!" I shouted, clutching my stomach. The baby was coming, now.

For once, Gary did something for someone other than himself. He got me to the hospital on time, driving my car. During the four hours of painful labour, I punched Gary in the face, threatened to stab him if he ever came near me again, put two interns into the therapy, and bit Gary on the arm - that one was his own fault. He told me to 'quit bitching', so I bit him.

Baby Allyson was born. I held her in my arms, and smiled at her. She had Gary's eyes, a chocolate brown colour, with a tuft of black hair. Allyson was beautiful, more beautiful than I expected.

Cody BabyAlly


I stood in the corridor, staring through the glass at my daughter. Me, a dad? Even I didn't think that would happen. There she was, so small and actually cute, sleeping in the cot. I'd never tell Cody this, but I liked Allyson's name, it suited her.

I rolled my eyes, when I heard excited squeals coming down the corridor towards me. Mum and Caroline was here, to see their grandchild. It was great and all, but it wasn't that exciting!

"Where is she then? Where is little Allyson?" Caroline said, excitedly.

I pointed right at her, she was the only girl in there, it wasn't that difficult to spot the only baby with a pink bow. Mum hugged me, like I was still her baby.

"Mum! I'm not a baby anymore!" I yelled, trying to shove her away from me. I've always hated that, her need to hug me.

"I know, my little Gary Bear.." She sobbed loudly, and let go of me. "You've got a baby of your own... if only your dad was here to see her...."


After a week, the hospital gave us the all clear to take Allyson home. I carried her into the house, because I wouldn't let Gary anywhere near her. The frickin' loser would probably drop her. The first thing I did, when I got in, was set up the webcam on the laptop. I sat at the kitchen table, chatting to Anita on MSN. We had it set up, so we could talk through the webcams.

"Hey Nita! I got someone for you to meet," I said, lifting Allyson so she could be seen on the screen.

"She's beautiful!" Anita said, happily.

Allyson coughed, and opened her eyes, she stared right at the screen at Anita.

"Will you be her god mother?" I asked, cuddling Allyson.

"I didn't agree to that!" Gary shouted, from the livingroom.

"Well, I don't give a rat's ass what you think, Asshole!" I shouted back.

"Of course I will, Cods," Anita replied, after she laughed.

I talked to Anita for a while, then took Allyson upstairs to her new room. I had made Gary come with, because I felt like it, and I knew there was something on TV he really wanted to watch.

I placed Allyson in the cot, Gary put the little quilt over her. We both smiled at her, she was too adorable to hate.

"So, we're a family...." Gary said, sounding like a sappy loser.

"You're still a asshole loser," I told him.

"You're still a moronic skank," he replied.

We walked out of the room, leaving baby Allyson to sleep in peace. We were a family now, a very weird one, but a family none the less. I think the difference between our marriage, and everyone else's, is we don't spend all of our time pretending we're living the dream then grow to hate each other. We both despised each other from the beginning.

The End

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